Aug 10 2015 17:09
A PRETTY WOMAN - Codependent relationships or how to stop being codependent.
There is a long list of things in codependent relationships, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, gambling, overeating, passion for shopping etc. Unfortunately, our society creates and supports different kinds of dependencies by means of aggressive and intrusive advertising.
Today, it is difficult to find a person free of any dependence. According to some reports, approximately 98% of the population, in spite of the level of development and culture of the country, have some dependencies. Often people are not aware that they are dependent on other people for the relationships with them. Any form of dependence limits the rights and human development, it has a negative effect on personal relationships and life in general. However, we all depend on things, useful or not. But how do we understand whether our codependency is healthy or not?
Below we’ll consider the term”a codependent relationship”.
Who has ever dreamed of a happy relationship with a beloved one? The question is rhetorical. Perhaps, it is the most common dream.
But if we have happy relationships and we love with all our heart, we can feel the dissatisfaction that brings suffering to us. Do we always find in ourselves what we really are? When we fall in love, “dissolve” in a beloved one, we stop thinking about our desires and of ourselves, don’t we?
What is emotional dependence?
This is a need for the other person, when someone becomes the meaning of another person’s life.
As a rule, an emotionally dependent person cannot make decisions, is not able to take responsibility, prone to self-sacrifice, refuses emotions and desires.
Emotionally dependent relationships are built on the principle of domination and subordination (master and slave).A master knows better "how to live" and "what to do", he has a full control over a slave, who accepts the master's opinion and the imposed standards of conduct.
Constant companions of emotionally dependent subjects are fear of abandonment, anxiety, lack of confidence and difficulties in sexual life.
An emotionally dependent person is always anxious and tense. On one hand, it leads to psychosomatic ailments developing gradually, such as problems with the gastrointestinal tract, skin diseases (eczema, psoriasis). There are neurotic disorders, gradually turning into severe depression with suicidal tendency. On the other hand, the second extreme case is when the relationship become a way of life. As if nothing else exists. When the person, who is close to you, is your life. When the thought, that your beloved man wants to abandon you may be painful.
Sometimes some women can make a row to draw more attention. Another women believe that if a man beats a woman, it means that he loves her.
Take responsibility for your emotional state. This means, that you do not shift the responsibility for your feelings and your lifestyle onto anyone . Say it out loud!
Decide to overcome addiction. Write your decision on a paper and hang it in a visible place. You can inform people you trust about it.
Do you want to overcome addiction in existing relationships, or begin to build new ones? If you want a new relationship, you need to "do correction work” analyzing the former relationships and to get rid of them with gratitude. There are special techniques for this.
Think about the price which you can pay, if you do not give up the previous relationship. You really have to understand the danger, which a complex relationship brings. For example, it may be a deterioration in health or a long-term depression.
Give yourself support. Thank this relationship for being in your life, but you have to go on living without the previous relationship. This is important because it definitely played some important function in your life.
Define a new format of a relationship with a man. It is normal that each of us has our own interests and needs. An important aspect in the philosophy of overcoming emotional dependency is the ability to maintain balance between your needs.
My needs - our needs - his needs
Decide for yourself what prospects give freedom to you. They should be important for you and give an opportunity to act. As a rule, a motive of liberation from emotional pain is the strongest. You have to remember all the 7 steps thoroughly, because each of them moves you from emotional dependence to emotional attachment.